The Trouble with Accountants

Question: What’s the definition of an accountant?

Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Few people know what accountants are talking about. Generally, nobody wants to talk to them unless they have to, and when pressed into conversation with one, images of screaming and half-dressed people in scary, dark places fill the mind.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad…but close.

Most everyone has to deal with money and bills and taxes. And what do all bill-paying, tax-paying, money people want? We want fast, easy, and painless—without any scary, dark places.

We want Super Accountant to swoop in and fix everything!

But since Marvel never created this super heroine, and I’m having a hard time picturing what the special powers would be anyway—Disappearing decimals? Infinite pencil lead? Unwrinkle-able paper?—I’m at a loss.

Or I was…

Until I decided to start digging. What do I, non-super-heroine, need to know to manage my writing income? I’d learned plenty in college (Bachelor’s Degree) and plenty more in life (25 years’ experience in bookkeeping), but all of that just muddies the water. What’s the bare minimum I need to know to pull this stuff together and stay out of trouble?

I figured it out, and I wrote it all down. If you’re interested, you can save yourself the trouble of figuring it out yourself. Check out The Business of Writing.

I love accountants, so just one accountant joke, and I’m out:

Two accountancy students were riding bikes across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second student replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first student nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

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